Faery Women: Seers, Warriors, and Sex Goddesses: Reclaiming Our Sacred Sexuality



by PandemonYum

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fairy woman flaunting her sexualityIn graduate school, where I was studying literature and feminism, one of my professors mentioned a peculiar outlook on the sexual revolution. Some feminist writers have asserted that the sexual revolution that occurred in the 1960s was mostly for the benefit of men and reflected male sexuality, not female sexuality. This shocked me at first, but it also made me pause and think. Perhaps it was true?

What we’re talking about here is true sexual freedom. The women I knew, for the most part, were always complaining about how bad the sex was with their men. Women who have slept around usually express a feeling of low self-esteem afterward, while many men seem to enjoy this.

With the advent of the birth control pill came the reinvention of sexual behavior. Basically, women were allowing themselves to sleep with multiple partners or have open marriages or any variation on sexual activity including lesbianism, bisexuality, group sex, etc. However, women’s sexual behavior then, and even now is still mostly conditioned according to the expectations of our gender. The ‘sexual revolution’ reinforced heterosexual and predictably conditioned behaviors in women and men. Some of these include the expectations that the female will nurture, nest, and be monogamous. Contrast this with behaviors associated with male sexuality: the tendency to focus sex on the penis or intercourse, the desire for multiple partners, and sex for physical gratification alone.                           Photo: Wendy holding the Timekeeper by Liam Sckhot.

Today, I speak candidly to many women on this topic. I have found many contemporary women are annoyed by the concentration and focus on male sexuality. Many women in long-term partnerships have never had orgasms during sex, or have decided not to expect mutual pleasure. Some women just simply stop having sex with their men altogether, since they cannot adequately communicate their displeasure for some odd reason. Women from many walks of life and various sexual identities are beginning to seek out new ways of loving. Where female sexuality is concerned, I feel that intercourse is only a part of the picture. What women seem to want is more eroticism, in and out of bed, more touching, fondling, kissing — and a WHOLE LOT MORE foreplay.
While many A faery woman in nature.  women suffer in silence or isolation, in the faery community, women are stirring things up. This is because faery women tend to merge their sexual and spiritual approach, are not fearful of experimenting with their sexuality, and most importantly — they demand equality with their men, both in and out of bed.
Faery women are engaging in all sorts of sexual behavior and they are not read as ‘outlaws’ or social outcasts within this particular subcultural group. Many are married or have primary relationships and some choose to practice polyamory. Others experiment with their gender identity, their sexual preference, nudity in public, petting and fondling in public, and more. These behaviors are experienced without guilt in the context of a supportive community of men and women, gay and straight, heterosexual, transgendered and queer and everything in between.A pair of faery women enjoy an outdoor festival in the U.S.

In the Sixties, Seventies, and Eighties and the decades that followed the focus was on male sexuality and therefore male sexual freedom. This is not to say female sexuality was being ignored. Lesbians and bisexual women were certainly concentrating on it, and their explorations eventually filtered into straight circles. But straight women were still having a hard time talking to their men about premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or lack of orgasm with their partners. Female sexuality was marginalized.
By the late Nineties and into the new millennium several key factors took hold of women’s consciousness and initiated some movement in female sexuality. The increasing economic independence of women is a major factor. Generation X and Y’s exploration of sexual identities outside of heterosexuality helped younger generations to envision a sexuality that is more akin to the Kinsey definition. In Kinsey’s terms, sexual identity and behavior may be fluid throughout life or remain almost the same. Younger generations began to explore the freedom and pitfalls of a fluid gender identity, too. With the birth of the Queer movement, many of the sexual categories that stood in place for decades have been questioned, criticized, and openly dismantled.
So where does all of this leave the exploration of female sexuality presently? It is in the hands of women and men who care enough to honor and explore female sexuality as well as male sexuality. It’s scary for some men (and women) to encounter the goddess in the bedroom. She’s chaotic and unpredictable, and filled with the promise of passion, pleasure, and the possA faery woman dons her elfin hat and squats on a tree trunk, hands open.  ibility of multiple orgasms. In order to receive maximum pleasure and a heightened state of consciousness, one must surrender to the energy rather than try to control it.
In our mass media infused world, female sexual pleasure gets so little play. What we see instead are images of sexuality which seem to emphasize the ultra masculine male and the skinny, big lipped, oversexed, picture perfect female. We all know these images are hardly real, but our culture continues to absorb the images of sexuality repeated ad nauseum in a variety of contexts, without even thinking twice about it.

Not all women are happily subservient to men, skeletal, and silent where there needs are concerned. The Celtic women who are my ancestors have always taken their sexuality and their sexual power very seriously. If a Celtic woman did not like the way a man was behaving, or he did not suit her anymore, she simply took other lovers, even if she was married. She was not looked down upon by her tribe for doing so. In some cases she was admired even more for wielding her sexual powers so openly.

In our culture, monogamy seems to me to be a sanctioned method of controlling female sexuality. We have all encountered the double standard at some point in our lives. Many men expect their mates to be monogamous, while they entertain multiple partners – as if it were some sort of sovereign male right. For this reason, I always encourage women to explore polyamory. It might not be a lifestyle of permanent choice, but it is instructive to see how the male/female dynamic changes and how power is shifted in these circumstances.

During the 4th, 3rd and 2nd Centuries BCE, while Roman and Greek women were being subjugated by men, Celtic women were seers, warriors, princesses, and leaders in their own right (Ellis 76-98). They owned property, and wielded great magical powers. Many of these powers, I believe, are centered around our sacred sexuality. We only have to look at the architectural remains of the ancient Celts to see that the womb was divine. The womb was seen as a sacred entrance to the underworld — the land of faery – and the place where the mysteries resided.

I would like to suggest here that a return to sacred sexuality is in order now, and that women will benefit greatly from this approach. Some men may find it too frightening to even entertain this thought, but men who do learn to worship the goddess will find sex to be phenomenal.

The idea of sacred sexuality has been decimated by conservative religious practices. For this reason, among many others, sacred sexuality is not usually present, even when practiced within the context of marriage or monogamy. Most religions teach sexuality outside of this context is bad, and that sex for procreation is the only type of sexuality actually sanctioned by God and society. Faery women, such as myself, have always seen these modes of thought as a bunch of crap.

A faery woman takes a break at an outdoor festival in CA.
For faery women, the act of reclaiming our sacred sexuality is lifelong. Forms of desire in women’s sexuality are much different than male sexuality. Women’s sexuality is not better – just different. Women search for an infusion of the divine within the sexual act, or at the very least an emotional connection. Men often concentrate on the physicality of the act, though they are capable of far more. Faery women pair with men (and other women) who transcend the physical, and are not afraid to access other bodies, such as the spiritual or emotional body. Here is where the true power of sexuality lies – when many of these aspects of our selves are accessed in sexual exchanges. This is when the sexual act becomes sacred, when two people are aware that they are entering a place unknown, of a higher order and which needs to be respected, contemplated, and entered into with full trust of the other. Eye contact, kissing, eroticism and fondling, can all be doorways into sacred sexual expression.

Sacred sexuality is not always focused on intercourse either. When intercourse does occur, the womb needs to be entered as one would enter a temple or a sacred grove. The womb is NOT something to be dominated, like animals and wilderness areas, but rather the womb is something to be revered. Imagine if this one aspect of sacred sexuality were honored every time a man and woman had intercourse. Prior to the act, some short but loving ritual could be performed to initiate a journey into the womb and mutual heightened awareness of the divine mysteries. This is the sacred type of sexuality faery women practice, and it is often feared, misinterpreted, and skewed because it is so powerful. To cease dominating, and begin honoring the womb could portend a return to sacred sexuality, something in short supply in our world.

Women and men are changing. Side by side with the wish to locate our desires and execute them, women have been gaining increased economic freedom and widespread self-reliance. The time to focus on female sexuality is long overdue. Many women now have the guts to actually ask for what they want or simply define it for their men. Why not set the tone for sexual encounters? Respect and honor for the sacred womb is the only behavior that allows entrance into the cave.
It’s time for women to begin exploring female sexuality, and demanding something far different in bed besides the three minute wham! Bam! Thank you Mam. Women: it’s time to talk to your sexual partner about what it is you desire.

Email info@fairiesinamerica.com for permission to republish this copyrighted article. Copyright 2010 by PandemoniYum.

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